Seriously?!!!?! Seriously.

All of you know that with small children, if you suddenly realize your house has been quiet for a long time, and any of the preschoolers are unaccounted for, you're in for trouble. I had an experience like this the other day.

Thinking I better go find Taz and see what he was getting into, I walked into the living room and found this:


I am hereby under the tutelage of Taz, master of yoga.

Here's some video love

Speaking of boys, here's a video of Isaac this past summer on his favorite method of transportation around the neighborhood, the scooter.

I think I'm scared that he's doing this at 2.

Boys vs. Girls

I'll never forget something my friend Kimmy said to me as she watched me in the hallway at MOPS one morning - I was with my two (at the moment) demure, shy girls, probably around age 2 and 4. They were quietly holding my hands, waiting for me to finish my conversation with someone before we went to their classes.

Kimmy's son had just kareened down the hallway making racing sounds worthy of a NASCAR track, turned the corner and disappeared out of sight. We could just make out his distant screeching and crashing sounds when she said to me, "Jenny, miss mother of quiet, sweet girls, I just can't WAIT until you have a BOY!"

We all laughed and I knew she was right. A boy would totally rock my world.

But, I didn't know how MUCH a boy would rock my world. I knew he'd be different, I just didn't GET it, you know? I guess not until you live with it 24/7 can you fully understand the difference.

I get it now. OK?! OK, Kimmy? I GET IT.

As a toddler/preschooler, Corene was told something one time and she never repeated it. Sometimes all it took was a stern look and she would burst into tears, never to repeat the dreaded sin.

Ava was "fiestier", I had to tell her something at least 3 times, because she's just more of a tester.

"Do you REALLY mean it, Mom? Let's try it again and see what she does..." was what she did on a regular basis. But, then she'd usually figure out that I really meant it, and she knew what her expectations were.

Taz now. He's hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. He does some testing as well, of course, but that's not the heart of it. The thing with him is that he just DOESN'T GET IT. Here's how it goes:

Something looks fun.
(notice there's no step here about THINKING ABOUT IT)
Fun thing is implemented.
Mother is not happy.
Mother tells Taz if he does it again, there will be a consequence.
Taz acknowleges the instruction.

Something looks fun, and there is vague recollection that it was INDEED fun.
(thinking? nah...)
Fun thing is implemented.
Mother is NOT happy.
Consequence is implemented.
Taz says he won't do it again.

Something looks fun.
Fun thing is implemented.
etc.
etc.

He reminds me of Dory, from "Finding Nemo", the sweet blue fish who suffered from "short term memory loss". Oh mothers of boys, tell me these quotes don't ring a bell for you:

Dory: "Wait! Something tells me we should go through the trench, not over it."
Marlin: "Bad trench! Saaaay... hey look, Dory! Something shiny! I think it went up there, over the trench!"
Dory: "Oh, really? WHERE? LET'S GO!"

or this one:

Marlin: "Here are the rules, these are very important: You can bounce on the tops, but DON'T TOUCH the tentacles!"
Dory: "Okaaaay, something about tentacles! READY, SET, GO!!"

Have you ever heard about the testosterone wash that unborn baby boys receive at some point in their development that actually severs some of the connections between the right brain and the left brain? Here's a tidbit:

The corpus callosum is the largest structure connecting the right and left sides of brain. This pipeline of more than 300 million fibers functions like a powerful, lightening fast, monster cable that enables both sides of the brain to communicate with each other and process for each other.
The gush of testosterone actually causes sections of the corpus callosum to decrease
in size by dissolving portions of the connection or by decreasing the growth of the
nerves.
From His Brain, Her Brain by Walter Larimore, MD

I find this absolutely hilarious in parenting this "other sex", as well as, quite frankly, very helpful in my own understanding of him and how he ticks.

Now I understand why he just delves into something he's been told multiple times before not to do. He's "acting", not "processing".

Here's another amazing fact from Dr. Larimore's article:

Male brains contain about 6.5 times more gray matter — the “thinking matter”. Female brains have more than 9.5 times as much white matter — the “processing" matter.

I don't know why this surprises me, it's so obvious that men as a whole are very different than women as a whole... but it's just fascinating to hear part of why.

It's amazing, the way God made us. It causes me to be all the more in awe of our Sovereign creator who designed men and women, boys and girls, so different and so complementary.

And it makes me giggle.

Unsupervised Children

Corene: (calling) MOOOOOOOOOMMMM! Where are you?

Me: In the basement!

Corene: (coming down the stairs) Isaac is... (pause) He got a stick.

Me: (getting up) And?

Corene: He put it in the peanut butter, and was licking it off.

Me: Where did he get the peanut butter? Who took it out?

Corene: You left it out on the table.

Me: (oops)

Me: (calling) Isaac!

Isaac: ... Whught?

(mouth full of peanut butter, hands full of peanut butter, face FULL of peanut butter, table full of peanut butter... why didn't I get a picture- FULL of peanut butter? Sorry to all the peanut moms out there... I know you are probably breaking out in a cold sweat right about now!)

Me: Where did you get the stick?

Isaac: Outside-in-ot-a-tick. (Outside and got a stick)

_____________________________________________________________________

Nice.

Without me knowing, my silent-while-destructive son went OUTSIDE, got a stick, brought it inside, and was using it as a utensil to devour a tub of peanut butter.

Excuse me, I need to go pluck a few gray hairs.

Tidbits of Wisdom

If you hear a little Taz voice saying, "Ready, Set, GO!!" followed by peals of laughter, coming from the bathroom, you may just find yourself a wee little mess of hand soap squirted all over the counter, the floor, and on the hands and clothes of Taz. And, if the moment you walk in to the bathroom, Taz throws himself on the floor in a fit of laughter and glee, you will know that it is time to put new jammies on him and to put the little hyena to bed.

If you hear a little girl say "I'm so tired" at 6:30, walk over to the couch, lay down, pull the blanket up and say, "I want to go to sleep", you will know that it is time to put the sweet girl to bed.

If you turn around and another little girl is standing at the door, lower lip out, shaking, and looking forlorn, and when you ask her what's wrong, she says, "I... I don't KNOW! I just... I think I just want... to... CUDDLE!!!", and then bursts in to tears, you will know that it is time to put her to bed.

And then after an extended cuddle-fest, you will put them all to bed and smile.

Because it's only 7:30PM, and all your children are fast asleep.

If all three of the above scenarios happen within 15 minutes of each other, all before 7:00PM, you will THEN know that they stayed out REALLLLLLLLY late last night having fun with Auntie Dawn and Uncle Lee (While Mom and Dad had a cozy alone-night IN eating Carne Asada Tacos a la Jenny...)

Yerrrr the BEST-y.

Guilty Pleasures

Doritos are dangerous.

Concert-goers

How to have fun alone with 3 kids at an orchestra concert:

1)Go to an outdoor concert where the kids can get up and dance if the spirit moves them to. And, have no fear. The spirit WILL move them.

2)Bring food. Lots-o-food.

3)Bring water, both for drinking and extra... well, for dumping. Of course.

4)Remember what color shirt your son is wearing. This will be helpful when your son wanders off into a sea of people while you're talking to Joel, and as you're frantically searching, Joel asks you "What color shirt is he wearing?" and your first thought is "green?". There are like 167 small children in the sea of people around you. Knowing what you put on him not 2 hours earlier would be helpful. Unfortunately, I know not of such things. He was wearing red.

We did find him. Chatting it up with some fellow concert-goers 5 rows back.

5)When you're desperate to take a picture of the hot air balloon that just happened to float by in the middle of a beautiful piece of music, and you need a fast distraction for your son, give him a jumbo marshmallow.

And then another one.

6)And then when he starts coughing and gagging, and people around you start to twitch and look at you funny, discreetly dig it out of his mouth and act incredulous, like you don't know how in the world it got in his mouth. Humph.

7)Pack a balanced meal to eat. If the only "healthy" food you pack is raw unpeeled carrots (We were in a hurry!), and the rest is junk-o-la, your firstborn, rule-following child is likely to tell you "All we ate tonight was junk food, Mom. Please, please, please when we get home, can we eat something HEALTHY?"

"Sure, honey. I think we can arrange that."

(Big Sigh) "Ahhhhhh! Thank you, Mom."

Just call me the best mom evah.

In honor of Wednesday

It's a "days of the week"... hat?

"What?!"

"Heehee. Wait, why are we laughing?"

"OK, that's enough. I'm losin' this thing. This ain't a hat."

This poor, poor boy. In a family of girls. With a mama who loooooves to laugh.

Tryin' on some chapstick glue stick

This is that chapstick stuff that my Sissys are so in to. I'm gonna put some on my lips juuuuuust like I see them do.

Only, this is making my lips really ... umm... sticky?

Let's try eating it.

Uh Oh. Busted.

Of Dogs and Kids

We've got messes:

Popcorn.

Who needs a dog?

Don't judge me.

Yes, he ate all of it.

I didn't clean a bit of it.

Thank you.

A plea

Anyone have an old AT&T/Cingular cell phone sitting around that you don't use anymore? One that works?

Mine doesn't work anymore and I can't figure out why.

Taz strikes again.

Actually, it's not fair for me to point all the blame on poor little Taz. You see, this sweet cell phone has functioned as the ace up my sleeve for a few months now. You know what I mean? I have 5 minutes of shopping left, I've used every trick in the book to keep Taz occupied, and he's getting fussy. What do I do? I whip out the cell phone and he's happy... it gives me at least 5-10 minutes of fuss-free time. I use it as a last resort, but... hey, when you're desperate, you're desperate.

But, umm... after that 5-10 minute window, when a child is done with a toy, we all know he politely taps his mother on the arm and hands the toy back, right?

Mmmhmmm.... this child practices his slider with the toy, aiming for the hard floor. Even if it's a very expensive toy.

Hence my dilemma.

Help?!!

PS. At this VERY moment, Taz is sitting next to me and eating a bowl of chopped raw onions. Is this normal activity for a young Taz? Do I need to get him some help?

The Taz

It's interesting living with the Tazmanian Devil.

What!!

You don't really think I do? You're a skeptic?

Oh, yes, I have proof. He has really big eyes, and he does have those teeth. And, his tongue is often hanging clear out of his mouth.

But the thing about him that makes me KNOW he is really Taz is the way he whips through a room...

a house...

a full city block...

and makes disasters wherever he goes. Here's a picture I took of him the other day:

I'm not kidding. He's dangerous.

In a moment, he can climb on top of tables, unload entire dishwashers, and give Polly Pocket a bath in the toilet (And do other things with the toilet that we'll just try and forget about).

In a matter of seconds, He can take an entire basket of folded laundry and render it fully... and completely... unfolded.

He unpacks two weeks worth of recycling from the recycling bins while I'm pouring milk into a cereal bowl.

He has discovered that markers are for writing...

But has not yet discovered that paper... is for writing.

You wouldn't know he was the Taz just by looking at him. To strangers, he's as sweet as pie:

As a friend mentioned today, "He's really quiet about [his destruction]!". He tries to hide it. He's sneaky. In fact, that's often how I know he's up to something. He's strangely quiet.

But, I'm telling you, folks. He's a force to be reckoned with.

He's...

a BOY.

Bobbing for Apples

This might be the single most hideously embarrassing post I write. But it's too good not to post.

Isaac is just the age where I can get in the shower and give him some toys, and he'll play while I shower. This single fact has again made showering an almost daily event for me! Woohoo!

We removed toilet accessories (plunger, cleaning brush) from the bathroom, and put the garbage can on the counter. We've trained him to not play with the toilet paper or the toilet itself. He's learned fairly quickly. *Mommy pats self on back*

So this morning, I jumped in the shower and gave him a few toys, and did *not* notice that the dear boy had an apple in his hand, left over from breakfast.

So I'm showering and I peek out to look at him, and to my utter HORROR, he has the toilet lid up and is about to drop said apple into the toilet water. I gasp. Isaac startles and drops the apple into the toilet. Now, I'm freaking out, FIGHTING with the darn glass shower door that I despise. The more I freak out, two things happen: a)Isaac KNOWS I'm coming to get that apple, so he's working HARD to get it out of the toilet, and b)The stupid door will not budge. I'm captive in my own shower. Finally, I get it open, just as houdini baby has somehow managed to get the apple out of the toilet, and..... NOOOOOO..... yesssssssss..... puts it in his MOUTH.

As I finally get the door open, I slip and put a good sized bruise on my leg. I. despise. our. shower. doors.

Isaac sees me coming and with an arm to make daddy proud, he throws the apple back in the toilet, which makes a very large splash and gives him a shower. With toilet water. And I don't mean like eau de toilet. I mean toilet water.

Final scene: Isaac takes shower with Mommy, and every square inch is washed including lips. There is some screaming involved.