The lessons I learned one day.

It was a bad, awful, really lousy day.

There was absolutely nothing going wrong. That is, except inside my heart.

The kids were kinda bouncy. What's new.
The questions were aplenty. As always.
We were rushing to get out the door. As usual.

The kids were kinda bouncy. And I was saying, "SIT STILL!"
The questions were aplenty. And I was saying "NOT NOW!"
We were rushing to get out the door. And I was saying "COME ON!"

All was going fine. I had a vice-grip of control on my children. Until I realized the girls needed to put different shoes on (because it was MUD day at VBS, and mean ol' mom decided that the fancy shoes they had chosen for the day were not appropriate for getting caked in MUD - ahem).

Well, let's just say that my girls, at age 3 and 5, have a definite shoe fetish. The elder one because of comfort, the younger one because of style. Though different in root, they are equally intense.

Changing shoes was NOT in the plan. Some serious whining ensued.

I felt something snap in my head. Or maybe it was in my heart. I felt it throughout my body, though. I started yelling. "I DON'T CARE THAT THOSE ARE YOUR FAVORITE FANCY PINK SPARKLE SHOES, YOU NEED TO GO PUT CROCS OR FLIP FLOPS ON. RIGHT NOW, PLEASE!!" (Like how I added the please? That was just because I always set a good example for my kids in how I talk. Uh-huh.)

Then there was some sobbing, crying, gnashing of teeth. More whining, more frustration. It was ugly. U-G-L-Y.

Eventually, alternate mud shoes were found, and the whining ceased. But I was still in a funk. I was stomping around and barking orders.

Corene was trying valiantly to tie her shoes, but one was knotted. With fear in her voice, she squeaked out an "I can't".

I stomped over, ripped the shoe out of her hand (I'm sorry to say it did feel good), and started to "help".

At this point, Corene started bawling. I had crushed her.

A moment later, Ava started bawling.

I felt bad, knew it was all me. All my temper. All my anger. Nothing about them. But I didn't really care. It felt good. I didn't feel bad enough to change.

Proverbs 29:11 "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

At this point, I'm not falling into the category I'd like to. Anger is a funny thing. The verse doesn't say, "A wise man never feels anger", does it? It simply says he keeps himself under control. I was most definitely giving full vent to my anger. It feels GOOD, at that moment.

Then. Ava's voice. "Mommy. You make me SAD."

"YOU make ME sad!" I huffed.

Then. Whooooosh. Conviction.

I'm thankful it wasn't a lightning bolt.

So, let's see here. Corene is bawling. Ava is bawling. Oh yes, now... Mommy is bawling.

There were hugs, kisses, apologies, "I forgive you"'s, and even some giggles. Wow, kids forgive easily. If my husband treated me like that, I can tell you right now that I wouldn't get over it for days. Days.

Lesson #1 learned from my kids: Forgive. Right now.

We were late to VBS.

But I didn't care anymore. My attitude had done a complete 180. Why had it improved so suddenly? Let's see... I'd confessed, both to my kids and to God. I had been quiet with Him for 30 seconds before we walked out the door and begged him to change my heart (note: 30 seconds of said alone time occurred while going potty. Of course. Typical-mom-fashion). As I sat there to pray, I realized that was the first time I'd even said "hello" to God that day, let alone asked Him to mold me or make me reflect Him to my kids.

Lesson #2 learned: Say hello to God. Right when you wake up.

Remembering our sermon from the previous week, on the way out the door, I said to Corene, "I'm so thankful that Jesus died on the cross. He forgives my sins, like when I'm angry and mean. He takes them away and doesn't even remember them! Isn't that amazing?"

Corene said, "YOUR sins, Mommy?"

Yep. All of that yucky heart you saw in me this morning? That'd be sin. And, Praise be to God, He took it away!

Lesson #3: Praise the Lord for the forgiveness of your sins. Because maybe even when you are really awful to your children, they might not know that you SINNED and needed to be forgiven. Both by them AND by God.

And the punch line of the whole morning. (Every hard morning deserves a punch line!) In the car on the way to VBS:

Me: (to Ava) Who forgives your sin?

Ava: ...God...

Me: Who forgives Mommy's sin?

Ava: (without missing a beat) ...Daddy...

--pause, while I look at her quizzically--

Ava: I mean... God?

Lesson #4: Walk humbly before God. Who is looking at you and equating you with God?

4 little lessons. One bad, awful, really lousy humble, beautiful day.

Preach it, Sistah!

My girls have been singing their Bible verses from church. We have 12 of the beginner foundation verses on a CD, set to music, and they're catchy. They get sung a LOT, at the top of their lungs, in our urban neighborhood where the houses stand 10 feet apart. The windows are open, and with the close proximity of the homes, I estimate that 5 houses in either direction plus a few across the alley/street can hear word for word the scripture my girls are singing.

There's "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth" Genesis 1:1

In the world, a controversial subject, but hey, preach the truth, girls!

Or "A friend loves at all times" Proverbs 17:17a

This one is perfectly harmless. In fact, many of our extremely liberal neighbors would smile, thinking about how we're teaching our children about world peace.

How about "Do all things without grumbling or questioning".

I like this one. I like this one a lot. Mamas, of the songs on this CD, this is my favorite verse. It gets quoted a latte in my house.

The one that gets sung the most, and the loudest, remarkably, is "For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish" Psalm 1:6.

I giggle and get a wee bit shy when the girls are outside belting this one out. I'll admit it. It makes me uncomfortable. They're the fire and brimstone preschool preachers. No fear. No shame.

I believe it, and they love to sing it, so I don't stop them. And who knows what people are hearing that may open up a door, a conversation, who knows.

So as we walk through Target, Corene is singing (and Ava is preaching):
"Every good gift (Ava: Like that BARBIE!)
and every perfect gift (Ava: Like that princess dress!)
is from above" (Pointing up in the sky with great dramatics). (Ava: And that's GOD up there!)
James 1:17 (Ava: That's in the Bible!)

And I clench my teeth and smile. And I try to pray: Lord, use it. And make me fearless, too.

Miss Margaret

Miss Margaret is one of the blessings God gave us when we moved to our current house. She lives next door.

The first time I knew of her was about a week before we moved in. Aunt Dawn was driving through our neighborhood and called me to ask the address so she could go see what our new place looked like. I was on the phone with her when she drove up and she said, "Oh! There's a lady next door, out in the yard! I'm going to say hello!" So she put the phone down and rolled down her window to say a brief hello.

This brief hello went beyond the statutory limits of "brief". Miss Margaret told Aunt Dawn about her birthday, her baptism when she was a baby, her breast cancer, her career in anesthesiology, and I don't know what all else. And she told her that she's in her 80's. And... that she has Alzheimer's.

I was waiting, on the phone in Dawn's lap, for at least 10 minutes. Giggling at the sweet lady who just couldn't stop talking. She sounded so lonely.

I'm thinking, "Oh great. I'm going to have to dash in the house everytime I see this lady or else I'll get stuck talking about the events of 1931". I can't say that I had a bad attitude, but it definitely wasn't an attitude that was poised to show the deep, deep love of Jesus.

Well, we moved in and have loved living next to Miss Margaret. And I'll tell you who has benefited most from this neighbor - my girls. Corene and Ava a. dore. Miss Margaret. Miss Margaret has raspberry bushes. Miss Margaret has pretty pretty flowers (them'd be dandylions & violets). Miss Margaret talks to them and hugs them and smiles at them and walks around with them and looks at their chalk drawings. They can't seem to get enough of her.

Miss Margaret really loves living next to my girls, too. She tells me e-v-ery-time I see her that I have wonderful children, and that she loves having children living here, and as often as they're outside and she can come out, she does. I can tell that they make her day.

It has become such a sweet friendship they've formed.

Look who's showing the deep, deep love of Jesus.

And look who's showing ME how to show the love of Jesus.

Lessons from Daniel

My girls' favorite Bible story is Daniel and the Lions' Den(Daniel 6). We've read it countless times. There's something about the heroic nature of the story, that draws them to it. When Darius runs to the den "in haste" the next morning to see if Daniel is still alive, it's so amazing and cute to see my daughters tense up, in anticipation, to "see" if Daniel is alive! The story is new to them each time we read it!

This morning, I discovered an old (OLD) story Bible from my husband's childhood (it was even old when he was young!), so we read, of course, Daniel and the Lions' Den. It had a little different wording than we were used to reading. One thing stood out more clearly the way this was written: Daniel usually prayed 3 times a day, in his upper chamber, with the windows open. That's what he did every day. Then, after the King issued the decree saying you could not pray to anyone except him, it's very clear that he continued to pray, 3 times a day, in his upper chamber, with the windows open. He didn't change a thing.

So, we're reading along, and Corene stops me and says, "Why did he do that? Why didn't he go pray someplace in secret instead, since it was the law?" Hmmm... good question. He could have kept his prayers a secret - if I was him I think I might have done just that. That would seem the logical thing to do. There are many Christians today that live in places where the Church is persecuted, and they must pray and meet in secret. And if you look throughout the Bible, there are many many instances where people ran and hid when the government or those in power were chasing them. Mary and Joseph were told by an angel in a dream to take Jesus in the night and flee to Egypt. God could have chosen to provided a miracle to protect them. But that wasn't His plan.

So, Why did he do that? Why didn't he close his windows? The king, Darius, and the people wouldn't have been able to see what a great God Daniel's god was. There would be no story for us to marvel at. God wanted himself to get the Glory. And it didn't stop there, each time we read the story in the Word, we marvel yet again (each and every time!) and glorify Him! "Woohoo!! Go GOD!" is usually what comes out of my mouth. :)

This made me start to think, how did Daniel know he was to keep praying as he had been? The text does not say, it just says he did it. So I whipped out my Bible and I read the whole story again, and something in the story popped out at me: verse 23 says "So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no kind of harm was found on him, because he had trusted in his God." Daniel was a steadfast servant of the King of Kings, and he had the Spirit of God on him throughout his life. God had been revealing dreams and other secrets to him, so the power of God was something he was familiar with. Daniel did not begin trusting God in the den of lions, he had been in communion with God for years, his whole life.

I need to be in communion with God now. For Daniel it had been 3 times a day, he got down on his knees and prayed and worshipped. For me, it's likely to look a little different! But it's going to be purposeful, not haphazard. It's going to be focused, not distracted. And it's going to be filled with faith and hope in the living God, not whiney or me-centered.

I struggle with this! My time with God occasionally looks that way, but it's more often haphazard, distracted, and me-centered. I desire to have the foundation of faith that would allow me to open my windows toward Jerusalem, kneel and pray to God, just as I had done before.

Become like little children

Funny how God uses our parenting to refine us. I've known for as long as I've been a mom that Motherhood ain't for wimps. How many times have I had to reach deep down into the carpet bag of my soul and pull out that patience that I didn't know existed so that I can answer the 43rd "Mommy" of the hour with love? The Holy Spirit put that patience there, I know it. And how many times has my selfishness been put to the test, when, for the 8th time in one sleep cycle did I have to drag myself out of bed and plod down the hall to comfort an uncomfortable baby. Or how about when I don't even look for patience or seflessness, and I snap irritably at my child? My humility is refined when I must look 2 big, brown, hurt eyes straight on and say "I'm sorry".


I'm adding another area of refinement to my understanding. My daughter Corene is a little bundle of 5 years old. She has been a lover of Jesus for just about 1 month, and she has spiritual sensitivity that brought me to my knees tonight. She has a spark about the things of God that is so refreshing!


Tonight we read in Revelation about Jesus coming back "soon". I knew we were probably opening up 20 questions of eschatology, but we had time so I dove in. After fielding the "What about Max (our cat)?" questions, we started talking about people who don't know Jesus, how they won't be able to come with us to heaven. The Holy Spirit obviously was working in BOTH of our hearts as we prayed, talked, and cried.


Here is what amazed me as I talked with her: This is the "main thing" of life. The main feelings we were wading through was a longing for the people we love to know Jesus. My heart aches as I write this, thinking of the names we prayed for. My heart truly aches for the first time in a long time. Sure, I've prayed for these people. Their names are written on my prayer list in my organizer. But when have I ached for them? When have I truly believed that God could save them?

It took a child, with simple faith, to remind me what the "main thing" is.


"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

Refine me, Lord. I am your clay.

Jenny