But, the truth is... sometimes I DO.
Actually, a lot. Probably daily.
The road of my family's life currently has a bend ahead. I can see to the bend, but I can't see past it. I can't tell which way it turns, if it goes down a hill, up a hill, what the terrain is like.
I KNOW there is a bend. I can see it. But beyond it, who knows? I am so glad that I know who knows. And God not only knows, but He built the road. He crafted the very ruts in the road as well as the flowers alongside the road to smell. He knows what rivers we have to cross and what beauty we will behold.
I have complete peace in letting go of the control of this situation (at least right this millisecond). Because, we've been walking this road for a long time. And God has a reputation in my life of making Himself known and shown. I can look back and see His provision, His plan. His creation of our family, from the very start. He has led us each step of the way, with a plan. Why should I doubt?
And, of course there's the promises in scripture that God will never leave us. That he will provide for all of our needs. That he will not give us more than we can bear. That HE is Holy. Holy, Holy, Holy. Worthy of our praise. Always.
I leave all of this a little obscure not so much because I want to be private about it (don't worry, there's only about half of a private bone in my entire body... another time, another place, I will share...), but because I know that there are a myriad of bends in a myriad of roads out there. All look different. To compare them, some are more heart-wrenching than others. But the person walking down a road, looking at a bend, is facing a challenge. It's hard. It's hard to let go of the control. It's hard to say no to the fear.
My heart has been caught up today in praying/thinking/crying for a woman named Katie. Katie's family went to my church when I was in High School. She's approximately my age, she is married and has 3 young children, the youngest is a little boy less than a year old. 6 weeks ago, Katie found out she had an aggressive form of colon cancer. She had surgery a few weeks ago and had been recovering but has taken a turn for the worse. As of yesterday, her organs had shut down and she is in a "Only a miracle could save her" state of being, per the words of the doctors.
That's a bend that makes me thankful for my own bend in the road.
But I'd be lying if I didn't also tell you confidently that Katie's bend is also a bend that God crafted. He doesn't only make good bends. He makes tragic bends too. Katie is a woman that oozes faith and hope and has made MANY people around her aware that God is God. And worthy to be praised. I feel strongly that Katie's bend is birthing new believers in Christ. And bringing Glory to Him. And, maybe, Katie's bend will include a miracle.
I AM thankful for my bend ahead. I am thankful for the One who built the road and the scenery, the rivers and the landscape. I am thankful for the family that God gave me to walk the road with. For for the best friend and leader my husband is, and the incredible blessings my kids are.
The End Of The Road Is But A Bend In The Road
by Helen Steiner Rice
When we feel we have nothing left to give
And we are sure that the "song has ended"--
When our day seems over and the shadows fall
And the darkness of night has descended,
Where can we go to find the strength
To valiantly keep on trying,
Where can we find the hand that will dry
The tears that the heart is crying--
There's but one place to go and that is to God
And, dropping all pretense and pride,
We can pour out our problem without restraint
And gain strength with Him at our side--
And together we stand at life's crossroads
And view what we think is the end,
But God has a much bigger vision
And he tells us it's only a bend--
For the road goes on and is smoother,
And the "pause in the song" is a "rest,"
And the part that's unsung and unfinished
Is the sweetest and richest and best--
So rest and relax and grow stronger,
Let go and let God share your load,
Your work is not finished or ended,
You've just come to "a bend in the road."